The Pleasure Gap: How many men use sex toys?

Conversations around sexual wellness are evolving, with a growing emphasis on self-care, pleasure, and breaking taboos. Yet, when it comes to sex toys, particularly for men, stigma and misconceptions can prevent men from trying them. While society has made strides in normalizing sex toys for women, men often face outdated beliefs that discourage them from exploring these products as part of their sexual well-being. 

To challenge these outdated norms, we’ve conducted a study of 2,000 adults in the US, asking about their sex toy habits, which toys they use and which barriers might prevent them from using them. By analysing these results, we want to encourage men to embrace their sexuality without shame or hesitation, opening up a dialogue around male sex toy usage, making it not just more accepted but also an essential part of sexual health and wellness. 

Everyone’s preferences and habits with sex toys are unique—there’s no right way to use them or set frequency for how often they should be used. It’s a deeply personal aspect of life. However, our survey uncovered some interesting trends regarding how often people use sex toys and which demographics are most likely to use them.

Our survey reveals an interesting contrast in the use of sex toys between men and women. While 72% of women report having used a sex toy at some point, 60% of men say the same. This means that two in five men have never explored this experience, highlighting a substantial gap in usage between genders. 

Furthermore, over half of women (55% use sex toys regularly (at least once per week) compared to just over a third (36%) of men, again highlighting this gender gap. But why this disparity? 

Well, it could be influenced by things like stigma, lack of awareness, or different societal attitudes toward sexual wellness. By trying to understand these differences, we can open up conversations about personal pleasure, sexual exploration, and breaking down taboos surrounding male sexuality. 

We started by looking at the most commonly used sex toys in the US. Perhaps unsurprisingly, solo vibrators are the most commonly used with 73% of adults saying that they’ve used this sex toy.

Breaking it down by gender, 58% of men have used a solo vibrator at some point, again making it the most commonly used sex toy, followed by dildos (55%) and sensory toys like cooling gels (50%). Among women, the rankings remain the same, though usage rates are higher, for example 84% use solo vibrators, a 26% increase in usage compared to men. 

The top five most used sex toys amongst men and women:

Despite vibrators being just as pleasurable for men, their use among men is far less discussed, which likely contributes to this disparity. Dildos show a similar trend, with more women than men reporting usage. Women also slightly lead when it comes to sensory toys, with 53% versus 50% for men. This might suggest that women are more open to exploring a wider range of sex toys, pointing to a gender gap in sexual preferences and behaviors.

Interestingly, BDSM accessories are in the top five for women, with 43% using them, showing changing attitudes toward sexuality and BDSM, which was once considered taboo but is now more mainstream. In comparison, 35% of men report having used BDSM accessories. 

Only 13% of men use sex toys to increase pleasure during solo play compared to 30% of women, meaning women are more than twice as likely to incorporate toys into their solo experiences for this reason. 

The survey also found that almost three in five (57%) men would use toys to enhance intimacy with a partner, compared to under half (46%) of women. This presents an interesting contrast in how men and women see the value of the sex toys for enhancing solo and partnered experiences. Where women are more likely to use sex toys solo to enhance pleasure, men are more likely to want to use toys to enhance pleasure with a partner.

What are the top five reasons why men and women use sex toys?

When it comes to actual usage, over half (51%) of men say they only ever use a sex toy with a partner, compared to two in five (40%) women. Meanwhile, just over a third (34%) of women use sex toys either on their own or with a partner compared to just over a quarter (26%) of men. This further suggests that men are less inclined to use sex toys for solo pleasure, saving them for when they are getting steamy with a partner. 

This is further evidence that society is generally more accepting of women using sex toys solo, which may be in part to the mainstream popularity of vibrators. Men, on the other hand, still face stigma around solo toy use, which could be down to the belief that their pleasure should be simple, straightforward, and require nothing extra—which just isn’t true! 

When it comes to which toys are largely unexplored by men in solo play, the survey highlights a large gap between toys saved solely for pleasure alone, and those only used with a partner.

The survey found that sensory toys—such as cooling gels, warming lubricants, and other sensation-enhancing products—are one of the most unused. Our survey found that only 6% of men incorporate these products into their personal routines, while 62% use them exclusively with a partner. This suggests that many men associate sensory stimulation with partnered intimacy rather than self-exploration. But what’s often overlooked is that these products can enhance solo pleasure by introducing new sensations and deepening self-awareness, adding excitement to both solo and shared experiences. 

Similarly, anal toys are used solo by just 12% of men, while 53% reserve them for partner play. Stigma around men using anal toys may play a role in this hesitation, yet they can offer an opportunity to explore new and intense sensations.

Vibrators show a similar trend—only 9% of men use them solo, compared to 30% of women. While often associated with vaginal pleasure, vibrators can also be highly stimulating for those with penises, providing a different dimension to solo play. 

According to the survey, men are particularly curious about sex furniture and position enhancers (38%), automatic strokers (37%), and couples vibrators (35%). These preferences point to a growing interest in products that not only add convenience but also boost stimulation and deepen connection during intimacy.

Women aren’t far behind: 33% are curious about sex furniture, and 30% are intrigued by automatic strokers. It’s clear that these toys are piquing interest for both men and women, with a shared focus on enhancing pleasure and experience.

We asked individuals who have never used a sex toy why they haven’t, and the most common reason was simple: personal preference or a lack of interest (34%). While sex toys can be an exciting way to explore pleasure, they’re not for everyone—and that’s completely okay.

The top 10 barriers preventing men and women using sex toys:

Almost one in five (19%) men and women admit that a lack of knowledge puts them off using sex toys. In fact, 38% of men agreed they don’t even know what a male sex toy looks like. Fortunately, this is an easy barrier to overcome. A quick Google search can uncover a wealth of guides, tutorials, and expert advice, such as on The Handy’s blog, while personal exploration and experimentation can also lead to discovery. When it comes to sex toys, there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to use them. What matters most is what feels good for you.

Interestingly, more than one in five (21%) men say that they’re put off using sex toys due to concerns about a partner being uncomfortable with it. Meanwhile, just 11% of women said the same, suggesting that discussions around sex toys for women are more normalized than they are for men. 

So, we’ve seen that men feel differently about sex toys than women do. But how far does this disparity go? More importantly, what steps can be taken to bridge the gap?

According to the survey, 41% of men feel that stigma surrounding sex toys for their gender prevents them from discussing the topic openly with a partner, compared to 29% of women. While conversations around female sexuality have become more normalized in recent years, men still face societal pressure to conform to a narrow, traditional view of male sexual identity. This cultural taboo, along with misconceptions that sex toys indicate performance issues, creates a reluctance among men to engage in open discussions about them.

This imbalance is further proven by the fact that 58% of men say they are more familiar with sex toys designed for women than those made for men. Not only this, but 66% of men believe female sex toys are more socially accepted, while 57% agree they are also more accessible. These figures highlight the disparity in societal attitudes toward male and female sex toys, reinforcing the need for more open conversations and inclusivity in this space. 

To help break down these walls, we need to start talking more openly about male sex toys and try to make the topic less taboo. Men should feel just as comfortable exploring these products and discussing them as women do with their own toys. The more we normalize these conversations, the easier it becomes for everyone to feel confident and accepted in exploring what works for them.

JP Wilhelmsen (Founder & CEO) at Ohdoki, the tech company behind The Handy, says: “Our survey highlights a clear gap in sex toy use between men and women, with men being less likely to explore them, whether it’s due to shame, concern over a partner’s reaction, or simply a lack of knowledge.

“But now, it’s time to change that. Normalizing conversations around male sex toys is essential because there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Sex toys can enhance both partnered and solo experiences, helping men better understand their own bodies, preferences, and pleasure. By breaking the stigma and encouraging open discussion, we can empower more men to explore a whole new dimension of sexual wellness and enjoyment.” 

A survey of 2,000 adults in the US was conducted in February 2025.